Dreams Thoughts Activism

Growing up!

On September 15, I will be 25. I prefer to say quarter of a century. It's a weird feeling I have: this struggle between growing older while the child deep down inside of me wanting to persist.

How would 25 be different than 24 or 23 or even 18? I think what changes is the pressure and the stress levels. When I was a kid, I had million questions that I used to ask my mom, sisters, and brothers. And the only answer I used to get was you will understand when you grow up, or, you will know when you grow up. They lied to me!

I did grow up, and my questions were not answered, my questions doubled and tripled. I miss the kid in me who dreamt about the grown-ups' "fantasy world" thinking it's the land of answers. This kid did not know how self destructive and masochists grown ups are.

I think when we grow up and find no answers, we discover that no matter how old we are, we will always be small, miniature, and insignificant. From this point on, our lives will always be enveloped with fear and anguish. Security and safety will soon become dreams of the past. Being powerless is the nightmare that will always haunt us.

Then what do we do to rationalize our feelings? We shut down everything and everyone that make us remember the uneasy feelings. We become selfish, we look for the "I" and no more the "WE", because "I" want to be powerful. Most importantly we learn to be loners, because we are scared to let others know that we are powerless.

What a sad specie we are! From the life's teachings we take selfishness, snobbism, narcissism, and carelessness. We don't ask ourselves why we learned these qualities or why we are rationalizing ourselves in a certain way. We are scared of more questions because we proved to be powerless in answering previous questions.

And here we are, we grow up to be obnoxious people! But, I don't want to be obnoxious….

posted by J. @ 6:22 PM